Online dating or online judging?

As I look up I see him sitting there, eyes and hands glued to his stupid iPhone like his life depends on it. But then I realised, I only just looked up to notice this, and that’s because I was doing the exact same thing, scrolling and refreshing Instagram and Facebook over and over again. We came out to have a nice, romantic dinner and without even realising we’re both sitting here not speaking, not enjoying the environment around us, not enjoying each others company, and barely noticing if our meals are even up to scratch. As I sit there basking in my own thoughts I ask him what he’s doing, and of course the predictable ‘oh nothing’ answer leaves is lips as he chucks his phone on the table. But that’s when I begin to question and doubt our relationship even more. We’re sitting here blank struggling to find words to say to each other, and no not because we’re quiet, boring people, but because our smart phones have become our primary means of social interaction. More thoughts begin to flood my mind, what if he is talking to another girl, texting an ex? That is when I realise the obsession modern day society has over technology and the damaging affect it is having on not only our face to face social interactions, but our relationships and the key values of trust and honesty.

How many of us can honestly say we have never sat there on our phones while pretending to listen to someone, nodding our heads cluelessly as we sit their infatuated with the latest Instagram ‘selfie’ that hot guy or girl posted, or adding clothes to our basket only to go to the checkout and realise we do not have a spare $500. However, even more than this I began questioning the further affects technology has on relationships and it got me thinking about online dating. Could online dating be the outcome of our insistent reliability on technology? I have begun to question whether online dating is the result of struggling to find someone naturally compatible in person or whether it is the easy way out for many. Sure, there are a lot of perks that come with online dating and a lot of lasting relationships but has it started to become a lazy, easy way to meet somebody for the younger generation? It’s no secret that people can sit behind a screen and type whatever they like, without thinking about the tone in which it’s interpreted or whether or not they would actually say this to someone face to face. So how is it ever really a good thing that one can form a relationship based on text with no expression and possibly too much thought. I’m sure many of us can agree that the first date can generally be quite uncomfortable and awkward; that small talk and general “what do you do for a living” questions. But the issue I foresee behind online dating is the rate at which it moves forward in comparison to a face to face relationship. Sure these first few dates might build up nerves for days leading up to it and you might not get a real insight into what the person is truly like at first, but aren’t these interactions all part of getting to know the person.

Counselor, Ania Konarzewski said that “the latest technology is great when it comes to some aspects of relationships, but on the other hand, we are becoming much too reliable on this form.” She explained that the reliability of technology is what is affecting our social interactions, rather than the use of technology itself.

Gemille Cribb from Equilibrium Psychology said that she has frequently encountered not only relationship issues, but personal issues when it comes to online dating. “Online dating can exacerbate anxiety around dating because there is a lot of ambiguity” said Gemille. “For example, you can ‘over-interpret’ written communication and have the ability to ‘check’ (e.g. when the person has last been on the site etc). This allows people with a pre-disposition to do so, to think the worst.”

“There can also be difficulties in that people have a lot of options available to them and as such may not commit to any one person as quickly or easily. Another difficulty can be when someone is led to believe (on purpose or inadvertently) that their date is someone they are not.”

Chelsea (20) (*name changed for publication) has only been using dating app ‘Tinder’ for the past couple of months and said “it originally started off as a joke with a friend after we both broke up with our boyfriends.” However, it was not long before she came across a guy who she would rather keep anonymous, that she thought maybe something fun could actually come from this. Mr. anonymous (who we’ll call Jack for the sake of embarrassing him publicly), began talking to Chelsea after the pair ‘matched’ on the dating app. The thing is, the app only allows you to see the person’s name, age, and a few photos when deciding if you want to ‘like’ them or ‘pass’ them; pretty shallow, right?

Chelsea said that after talking for awhile on the app, the pair exchanged numbers and began texting and not long after she thought “wow, I actually might like this guy.” “We realised we lived pretty close to each other and had plenty of mutual friends so I wasn’t worried that he was some creep”.

However, Chelsea said it all “went down hill” when the pair met up. “He was a great guy, really nice (probably too nice), good looking, great sense of humour, but there was just one problem…” “After the second time of meeting him he got really clingy and started saying things like he loved me and began talking about getting married and having kids.”

Now, obviously this isn’t some disaster story like the one’s you may have seen on the TV show ‘Catfish’, but Chelsea said it was enough to turn her off ever going back on the app. “It was quite disappointing, I found a really nice guy that I loved talking to over technology, but as soon as we met up he was so full on and kind of scared me off”.

On the other hand, RSVP is Australia’s number 1 dating site with over 1,200 new profiles every day. So Online Dating mustn’t be all that bad, right? Fairfax figures show that 51 percent of people have tried online dating or would consider it an option in finding love. However, when we compare this to Chelsea’s story, one can come to the conclusion that age is likely to play a vital role in the succuss of online dating. This is evident in a study done by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Cornell University, in which it was found that 80 percent of people who date online lie about their height, weight or age, and a study done by BeautifulPeople.com found that the older you are, the less likely you are to fib.

Now if I could give online daters one piece of advice, it would be to take every person into consideration when it comes to a potential compatibility. Gemille said that for some people the dangers are ‘choosing with their head’. She said that online daters tend to do too much filtering out of people who may well be nice people or good matches because they don’t meet the ‘check boxes’ in their head.

However, I leave one question unanswered. Is it really appropriate to test our compatibility and success with someone based on dating sites online features and pricing options?

Strong not skinny

Over the past decade, the commercial health and fitness industry has undergone a complete transformation. When muscly women and eating protein-fuelled meals were once looked down upon, these have now become almost a religion for some. Stepping away from the traditional method of weightloss, cardiovascular training, females of all ages are reaching for the weights – with resistance training only becoming more popular every year.

According to Women’s Health, women previously valued non-competitive physical activities such as walking, aerobics and swimming. The subjection of pressures to be thin for women once played on unhealthy obsessions with body image and weight concern. However, many women now thrive off the combination of mental and physical challenge, involving both accomplishment and progress.

Katy McGregor, female bodybuilder and personal trainer at Millennium Health Club Waitara, said that she believes women have become much more confident training in a gym format in the last five years.

“It has become much more widely accepted for girls to lift and be seen in the weights area of the gym than a few years ago when women were pigeon hold to ‘cardio bunnies’, with that being seen as the only acceptable training method for women to do.”

CrossFit Defined defines CrossFit as a core strength and conditioning program that performs functional movements, which are constantly varied at high intensity.

Katy said that CrossFit has assisted in the transition by providing a platform for both sexes to work a combination of cardiovascular and strength training without stereotypes focusing on aesthetics and focusing more on performance than anything else.

Founder of CrossFit, Greg Glassman said that CrossFit works on the ability of as many domains of fitness as possible, with an increase in work capacity through broad time and modal domains, measuring average power.

According to Mike from CrossFit Prototype, CrossFit began in 1995 in Santa Cruz, attracting men in law enforcement and former marines. Initially women stayed away because they were worried they would bulk up or that they simply could not do the workout. However, with CrossFit now maintaining 5,000 affiliates worldwide, women account for 40 per cent of members.

So why have women conformed to a type of training that amplifies power and strength? According to the Women’s Heart Foundation, high levels of estrogen make it very difficult for women to become overly muscular, and therefore the results of CrossFit are much more firming, feminine and toning.

Katy, who is now 21, said that she got into training when she first left school. She fell in love with the changes that her body was making as she felt very toned and muscular but not bulky. After training hard for a few months, she began trying CrossFit.

“It has the ability to make you feel tired but energised. It is undoubtedly addictive.”

Nick Fuentes, athlete and coach as CrossFit Chatswood said that even as a male, when he did his first CrossFit session at 15, it obliterated him and didn’t align with his ‘fitness goals’ at the time.

“I was much too concerned with aesthetics and not general fitness.”

Upon finishing school, Nick’s ideas on fitness and body image changed. He became certified in CrossFit and is now a part-time coach who also trains himself with this methodology, competing in the 2014 Crossfit Regionals.

There are a higher number of females than males that train regularly at Nick’s CrossFit box, which is a training gym for CrossFit.

“There has been an excelled increase in the area of resistance training for women, as well as more CrossFit female gyms opening globally.”

However, Nick and Katy both agree that there are still negative stereotypes around female bodybuilders, specifically with the impact of media and what was previously portrayed as ‘good looking’ in societal norms. However, the previously male dominated atmosphere has seen gradual movements that never would have been previously explored by the female cohort, due to women conforming to societal views surrounding slim being perceived as the ideal body shape.

The change in promotion of resistance training for women and the increased research into the physiological and psychological benefits of resistance training are what Nick believes have heightened the female involvement in CrossFit.

“I think that the previous stigma associated with women in the gym has gone out the door. I find that women I speak to in the gym, and even men on their opinions of women are more centred on the ‘strong not skinny’ appeal of women in today’s society.”

According to the Healthline, a study in The Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that women who did an hour of resistance training burned about 100 calories more the day following their workout than they did when they avoided this type of training.

Katy said that with the increase in research in to the benefits of resistance training, more achievable categories for competitors have been established for women to retain their femininity and appeal.

“From my experience as a female competitor and Personal Trainer, I have noticed the perception of women and resistance training in the gym has taken a much more accepted approach by other women and men.”

According to CrossFit Forging Elite Fitness, over the last 5 years there has been more than double an increase in women’s competitors in the CrossFit Games.

Both Katy and Nick believe that the increase in female CrossFit Games Competitors as well as Crossfit gyms around the globe will continue to change women’s previous perceptions of body image and that the previous commentary from men to women such as “don’t get too bulky” will gradually fade.

Word of mouth has been a key factor at Nick’s particular CrossFit box in Chatswood, which he believes will continue to grow.

“I have seen an increase in encouragement for more women to join and participate in WOD’s, a workout of the day that many boxes emulate, which are heavily based around resistance training and I think it is only going to continue.”